Passionate Theme of the Day: Uniqueness

"Work your quirk.” Kammie K.
“As we grow as unique persons, we learn to respect the uniqueness of others.” Robert H. Schuller
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Dr. Suess

Not sure why this little nugget of a story is sticking in my head, but perhaps by bringing it out into the light of blog I’ll exorcise it from my mind. So right beofre the holidays I tagged along with a couple of local peeps to The Coach House in Scottsdale. A divey little waterhole that is apparently a Scottsdale staple. A good time was had by all and on the way out I stopped in the bathroom.

Annoyingly, this crusty joint only had one stall in the ladies loo. There was just enough room next to the sink and vanity for two more chics to saddle up and wait it out. Right as I walked in to wait, a knock out of a brunette walks out of the stall, washes her hands and starts to fidget with her top. She begins to finger comb her hair and glosses her Angelina-like lips. Now, there is another blonde in the stall and me leaning against the wall trying not to appear too obvious as I’m sideways glancing in the mirror checking out this total Betty.

***I have to drop in here and explain that as a child (with white blonde hair and pale blue eyes) I was always drawn to dark-skinned, dark-haired, dark-eyed girls/women/models. In my mind the exact opposite of me was the true definition of exotic. So even now as a mid-thirties woman, I still stop and stare when the hotter than hot darkness crosses my path.

Back to the girl in the mirror. She looked a lot like Pussycat Dolls lead singer - Nicole Sherzinger. Jet black hair. Creamy olive skin. Honey-brown eyes. And don’t even get me started on this girls body! Almost just as hot as said Pussycat Doll and probably many moons younger (bathroom Betty looked about 22 or so). Very dancer like. Lithe & lean & curvy too. Most women (and men) would KILL for this chics bod. So imagine my surpise when the following dialogue takes place:

Betty: “Do you think this tank top looks stupid under this sweater?” (long black tank barely peeking out under thin creme body-hugging sweater).
Me: “No way. Why would you think that? It looks good.”
Betty: “I just never know what I think about my clothes. I don’t want to look slutty.”
(Look of shock & awe crosses my face. This girl was HOT yes, slutty no).
Me: “Umm what about your outfit says slutty? I think sexy - hell yeah - but slutty? No way.”
(I neglected to mention she was also wearing black legging pants and suede boots).
Betty: (Still fidgeting with her hair and top and makeup looks at me) “You have really cute bangs. I LOVE your hair.”
(Jaw drops, recovers & smiles)
Me: “Uh thanks. You’re gorgeous. Stop picking at yourself & go work it girl!”
Betty: “Oh no I’m not. Thanks though. I just wish I had your style. Well, guess this is as good as it gets. See you!"

(Betty exists bathroom as the Blondie exists the stall - she overheard the conversation).

Me: (laughs & smiles at Blondie) “Ha! So I’ve got bangs and cute hair, but she’s got that body! People pay big bucks to look like that!”
Blondie: “Yeah. But sometimes I think I’d rather have cute bangs & sassy style. I on the other hand have had the same haircut since 7th grade.”
(Now Blondie starts to pick at her hair in the mirror and is eyeballing me as I walk into the stall. BTW Blondie is at least 5’10, I’m the standard 5’4 - 5’6 in heels, and she’s a stunner in her own right.
Me: (thru the stall door) “Well you look great too. Stop worrying about your hair and go have fun!”
Blondie: “Oh thanks. I’m just never sure what looks good on me anymore. She’s right ya know, you’re hair is cute & you do have great style. Bye!"

(Blondie exits the bathroom & I am alone at last).

Wanna know the funniest fucking thing about ALL of that? I NEVER feel completely comfortable in Scottsdale. If you’ve never experienced Scottsdale AZ, let me just tell you it’s full of pretty people. A little LA. A little Dallas. A lot of flash-n-the-cash and how-much-bling-did-you-bring. I just can’t connect. That’s not to say everyone that lives there has that mentality, it just means that’s what I see at the bars (which is why I don’t frequent them often).

So low-and-behold, here I am feeling out of my comfort zone in regards to fashion and style and fitting into the supermodel-botox-amplified-and-augmented canvas, and then the above conversation takes place! I end up cheering and coaching and pimping the other women in the bathroom and their eyeballing ME up and down like I’ve got the magic mojo and they want some of it.

(**NOTE...the original end to this post just got zapped! Damn Mercury in retrograde!)

Not sure what my actual intention was for posting this. Other than to say: Let’s knock it the hell off ladies! Let’s stop comparing apple bottoms and cup sizes! Everybody has a different preference and standard of beauty with which they like to look at, oogle, date, mate & hit the sheets with. Some prefer the juiciness of a Kim Kardashian (Amen!). Others dig the long legged goodness of Heidi Klum. Some prefer the bohemian spirit of my girl Drew. Others dig the urban prowess of SJP.

So let’s try and make it a little lighter for the next generation, shall we ladies? For my 4 year old niece Alyssa who already worships the princesses. For the tween girls I overheard in a Target fitting room talking about, “I’m such a fat-ass” & “Yeah, well at least you’ve got boobs!” Only to find me nearly poking an eye out on their bony-ass elbows, knobby knees and pointy collarbones on the way out. Not a curve or boobs on either of their pre-pubescent asses.

Let’s try to lighten our own load too. Life challenging enough without us beating ourselves up everytime we see an attractive women walk by. The comparison game’s gotta stop. Please know that I write what I write usually because my own hot buttons have gotten pushed. I vow to not get green with envy the next time I admire the smokey-smolderings of my dark & exotic counterparts. I’ll think of them as the yin to my yang. The more they smolder, the brighter I’ll shine. Let’s clean up our self-talk, our inner diatribes and our mirror mantras.

The focus of this post is mostly on external beauty, but most of you know, I’m more interested in the inner work. The behind the scenes stuff that happens in those dark, quiet, alone and tucked away moments when we stare our inner demons right in the eye. That’s where the real work has to take place. I know that’s where it’s at. Confidence is so much more than fashion, figures, faces and bling. I didn’t get into smart, geeky, funny, quirky, silly, goofy, brainy, successful or mysterious today. Today I just felt like ranting!

That being said...repeat after me: “Stunning is only skin deep.” “Gorgeous is an inside job.”

Now go out there and rock on with your bad self. Work your quirk. Rule your roost. Shine on beautiful ladies. Shine on!

Peace & passion,
Kamalicious