Passionate Theme of the Day: Shadow Dancing

“I looked and looked and this I came to see
That what I thought
Was you and you
Was really me and me.” ~Unknown

“This thing of darkness I acknowlege mine. There is nothing more confining than the prison we don’t know we are in.”
William Shakespeare

“The most common form of despair is not being who you are.”
Kirkegaard

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.
Before you take the splinter out of your brothers eye, take the log out of your own.”~ Jesus

Last night while lying in bed, I looked up to discover an ostrich on my ceiling. I keep a little night light in the corner next to my Chihuahua Chance’s bed. (He gets cranky if he can’t see his pillow in the middle of the night.) Right next to the light sits a wrought iron and rattan chair. 

Not sure how I never noticed it before, but the light hits the chair so that it causes an image to spill across my ceiling. Last night, I became curious about the odd shape it created. There was clearly two bony, stick-like legs and an oval-ish, egg shaped body. A long neck sprouted out of the body, but the head hit right where the ceiling meets the curtains, so it appeared as if the head was…get this…buried in the sand!

Holy crap! I laughed out loud as I realized how cosmically comedic the timing of this feathered friend was. This is EXACTLY how I’ve been feeling lately. (Although according to www.thebigzoo.com, Ostrich don’t really bury their heads in the sand).

What did this particular shadow symbolize for me? That I’ve been hiding. Hiding from myself. Hiding from the world. Hiding from some friends. Hiding from showing up and playing a bigger part in this wacky world we live in. I have some major decisions to make around my business and the future direction I wish to pursue with PMP.

Decisions to continue bogging or not to blog. To continue pursuing one-on-one coaching vs. another model. To possibly turn the PMP website into a resource center vs. an online brochure for my coaching. LOTS of questions need attention and energy and focus in order for answers to arise. But something has caused me to resist asking them.

Ahhh, that’s the shadow creeping in. The dark and scary side. Words like “failure” or “loser” or “quitter” echo in my mind and I come to a stand still. My rational mind knows that I am NOT those things. That if I CHOOSE to pursue this project in a different way, that’s my prerogative.  Changing my mind doesn’t make me a quitter, loser or failure.

Debbie Ford’s amazing book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers"came in handy over a year ago, when I was dealing with some heavy duty shadow boxing as well. Her book offers several visualization exercises that grant us permission to embrace those shadows. The BIG, the bad and the ugly.

For example, if I’m not accepting of my inner “failure”, I would most likely not be inspired to step up and pursue projects that I’m passionate about. By stirring up my competitive nature and “proving” that I’m NOT a failure, a fire is ignited under my ass, and I step out bigger and bolder into the world…just to spite my shadow.

We all have them. Shadow personalities that hide and lurk and dance about. The danger lies in never opening our eyes to the beauty, creativity, sassiness, balls, bravado and kick-ass-ness that our shadows evoke within us.

We can’t be high all the time. Life is about up and down and all around. That’s how we grow and stretch and learn. There is no better than, or less than. No keeping up with the Jones’s. There’s just different. We’re all made up of the same gorgeous goo and stardust.

We place so much judgment on ourselves (which spills onto others) when we label things - this is good - this is bad. How about it just IS what it IS? If I’m in a creative funk, it’s NOT a bad thing. It’s just downtime during the creative process. But it’s still a part of the process.

Yet, sometimes we make sacrifices when we try to deny our shadow sides. Debbie shares the story of a successful businessman. (Mind you I’m recapping what I remember from reading this a year ago). He is financially free, physically fit, spiritually sound and intellectually intriguing. Yet there is something missing. He is in mid-40’s/50’s and still single. Turns out at an early age his father called him a disgrace to the family and told him that he was a “loser”.

Biz man then proceeded to set his life up around NOT being a “loser”. Granted, on the surface he had a successful business, homes, cars, etc. but hadn’t yet been able to open up intimately and create a romantic partnership.

He was SO afraid of “being a loser”, that he became a workaholic, narrowly focused individual, who only knew how to talk about his business and tended to be insecure in intimate conversations.

This translated into sounding like arrogance and “look at all I’ve done” sounding dialogues. It sounded like he was screaming for attention. As if he were literally saying, “See, I’m NOT a loser. A loser isn’t successful, or rich or established in his field.”

Once he looked at what it was costing him to keep “denying his inner loser”, he was able to accept and embrace that childlike place within him that was crying out for love and attention.

So what parts are dark and scary for you?

What buzz words or phrases trip your wires so much that you shut down? Or freeze up? Or numb out? Or procrastinate? Or have caused you to avoid certain situations or relationships all together?

Our shadows can help bring color and juice back into our lives. We shouldn’t hide from them. Nor fear them. But we should invite them out to play with us. To collaborate with us. To create with us. To love with us. And to live with us.

Owning our dark and our light, and integrating the two very unique, very important sides of our dualistic personalities is where true freedom lies. When we let go of perfect, we set ourselves free. We become free to be whoever it is we are from day to day. Perfectly, imperfect in the present moment. That’s where the magic happens. Like they say, “What we resist persists”. True self-acceptance is deliverance.

Shadow dancing is sexy,
Kam-a-licious