Passionate Theme of the Day: Badness

“To confront a person with his own shadow is to show him his own light.” ~Carl Jung

In August of 2005 I hired a coach and began my coach training classes. One issue that kept coming up for me was, owning my shadow side. Debbie Ford is the queen of shadow work. If you’re interested in this work, read her book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers.

Why am I bringing this up today almost a year and a half later? Because it’s through opening up and really owning my dark side, that magic has started to happen in my own life. Carl Jung, the godfather of shadow work - believed that there are constructive and destructive types of shadow (umm duh).

There is a cultural phenomenon in the U.S. (I don’t know if this is true for other countries) around being “good”. It shows up as eating disorders & body dismorphic disorders, celebrity worship, self-loathing, low-self esteem, fear of failure, fear of success, and the list goes on and on. I’ve spent a large part of my life trying to be “good”. Suffering from what I call the Good Girl Complex. You might call it Perfectionism. I see so many women (and have met many men too), that are ultimately locked up inside, for fear of making a “bad” mistake, or looking like a bad person.

Being good isn’t so much about being good, as it often becomes a way to avoid NOT being bad. Does that make sense? So it isn’t really about owning your goodness, it’s about disowning your badness. When we disengage from a part of ourselves and try and NOT be that part of ourselves, we’re doing ourselves a great disservice.

When I first launched PMP, I was terrified that people would judge me. I knew I wanted to be honest with my content and share from personal experience, but the thought of revealing some deep dark secret was scary. I know now that I don’t have to open up my closet and place my skeletons on display for the world to see. But sharing things like the fact that I get funky and cranky helps readers and prospective clients to see that I am human.

Just yesterday a very “good” co-worker really let loose on another co-worker (honestly, he had it coming). It was unexpected from her. Why was this little outburst so healthy for her? Because if we keep these feelings of anger, frustration, agitation, resentment, hostility or the likes locked up, we’ll eat ourselves alive. From the inside out. Speaking our truth and really owning where we are is such a crucial step in our conscious evolution.

Jung also said, “What you resist, persists.” If we keep trying to NOT be bad, we could actually turn into a monster. The way I see it, a little badness from time to time is far better than wearing a mask of goodness all the time and then snapping! Think of those women who have committed horrific crimes. Many of them were seen as really “good” by their neighbors and community. Then one day they just snap. They couldn’t keep up the facade.

How might you open up today and allow some of your badness out? It doesn’t have to be a major tantrum. I’m not saying go rob a bank. But how might your inner wild child help release you from your “good” shackles?

I let it out by being sassy, smart-ass, feisty, funky, cranky, and quiet. I give myself permission to say no. I treat myself and don’t feel guilty about it. I allow myself to have that piece of chocolate (notice I didn’t say the whole box). It’s when we don’t allow ourselves to play with the full range of colors that this life has to offer, that we become prisoners within ourselves.

Of course we all want to exercise more, eat healthier, be kind to our significant others, spend more time with our families, build better business. But sometimes you just gotta let loose and let the badness out!! Jung reminds us, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

So what’s it gonna be? How can your badness be good for you today? What one small step can you take today to revel in your badness? Be bold. Be spunky. Be a bad-ass. Being bad sometimes feels reeeeaaallly good! Let it out ya’ll.

Bad girls need love too,
Kam