Passionate Theme of the Day: Forgiveness

“To forgive does not mean that you condone, agree with, or give your approval to anyone or anything. Rather, it is a powerful acknowledgment to yourself that ‘I am willing to let this go. I am willing to move forward in my life.” Ray Salas – Zenchill.com

As often is the case in the blogosphere, the topic I am talking about today was already covered the last 2 days by some of my favorite bloggers.

Here’s how it all went down: yesterday I received The Power of Forgiveness by Ray at Zenchill Blog delivered hot and fresh to my in-box. I have to say I think it is one of the best articles I’ve read on forgiveness in a long time. So I sat down this morning to write a little ditty to follow-up on his topic, and lo and behold, my good friend, Phil G. from Make it Great! had touched on the topic as well.

Either the universe is a mysterious place indeed, or the coolest bloggers are all psychically connected…whatever the case, I really did want to discuss forgiveness today, so I’m still gonna give it a go.

1st I want to share with you Ray’s 5 steps to forgiveness:

Step #1:
First, I ask myself “Do I prefer to be right or happy?”
Step #2:
I remind myself that regardless of who or what is involved in my “grievance” of the moment; everyone is doing the best that they know how to do (as we all are).
Step #3:
I release my expectations that anything (or anyone) should be any different, other than how it is (or they already are).
Step #4:
I accept the possibility for a miracle (i.e., a change in perception for all involved, including myself). However, I have no idea what this miracle will look like.
Step #5
After completing all of these steps (in my mind), I let it all go, release the energy, and shift my focus back to what I do want to experience and create for myself.

(Check out Ray’s original post at Zenchill for the complete version of his steps). “Do I prefer to be right or happy?” Personally, I’ll take happy. There was a time when I really wanted to be right. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to be heard. And I’m also working on speaking my truth in all situations these days.

But that’s another post all together! Speaking my truth and being heard are different than needing to be right. I simply have no desire, nor the energy to ARGUE with people. I try and state my case in any given sceanrio. If needed I’ll re-phrase it, re-frame it ar act it out in charrades if I have to. But after a couple of attempts, you either get what I’m saying or you don’t. Not only will I throw in the towel, I won’t even get in the ring in the first place.

How much energy are you wasting fighting for your need to be right? Perhaps if you dig deeper, the need is really more about being heard. Or about being understood by the person you are arguing with. Maybe not. Ask yourself, ‘What am I gaining by needing to be right?’ How do you win by beating someone up verbally just to be right?

Often, the person fighting so hard to be right, gets agitated when you say, “OK. You’re right. You win.” Some people just like the battle. I have someone very close to me that LOVES to play this game. I’m NOT interested. When I feel myself beginning to boil, I remind myself to follow step #3 – “I release my expectations that anything (or anyone) should be any different, other than how it is (or they already are).” So I stop. I walk away. Put down the phone. Or step into another room and breathe.

If peace is our ultimate goal, then why wouldn’t we? Just let them be where they are. Let go of being right and choose to be happy. Choose forgiveness and let it go.

This brings me to what Phil quoted in his article, "Bitterness and an unforgiving spirit can be likened to you taking poison and expecting that someone else would die from the effect. Forgiveness is about setting the prisoner in your heart free only to discover that all along, you had been the real prisoner.” - ‘Tope Popoola, Clergy and Author

Are you holding yourself hostage just to be right? Are you still carrying around grievances for people that have already transcended this life? Think about that one. Do you still need to be right even if someone is long gone? Moved away? No longer in your circle? Who is the prisoner in that situation?

I invite you to look inward. Who might you forgive in order to free yourself?

Forgiveness = Freedom,
Kam