Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Fight Club Leads to Radical Self Acceptance
Passionate Theme of the Day: Radical Self Acceptance
“Self-acceptance comes from meeting life’s challenges vigorously. Don’t numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.” ~ J. Donald Walters
“When you’re a beautiful person on the inside, there is nothing in the world that can change that about you. Jealousy is the result of one’s lack of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-acceptance. The Lesson: If you can’t accept yourself, then certainly no one else will.” ~ Sasha Azevedo
“May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. Deliver me, Tyler, from being perfect and complete.” ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 5
“My definition of success is total self acceptance. We can obtain all of the material possessions we desire quite easily, however, attempting to change our deepest thoughts and learning to love ourselves is a monumental challenge.” ~ Anonymous
Hello passionate peeps. Life is good today. Not bouncing off the walls, dipped in chocolate, rainbows and unicorns good…but good. I was never into hard-core drugs, so rainbows and unicorns and bouncing off the walls isn’t really my style anyway. I’ve been living moment to moment and focusing on gratitude, patience, compassion and peace. It’s working. Update on the situation…baby steps ya’ll. Baby steps. And that’s a beautiful thing.
I’ve actually been thinking about a situation a former client of mine has been dealing with. One that is similar to what I’ve dealt with myself and I’m sure many of you have to. He seems to be stuck. (Been there). And he feels disoriented. Like he’s living a false life.
On the outside he’s worked in corporate environments, also as a freelancer, and is able to put on the mask of “corporate marketing guru”. But on the inside feels a strong pull towards more creative work. He is highly self-aware and has read many self-help/personal development books, been to workshops and success training seminars. He wants to be a positive light in the world and combine his work with his purpose, but feels a strange tug-o-war between his upbeat, “socially acceptable” and “out there” work demeanor, and his inner delight that revels in his darker, moodier, broodier, introspective, more philosophical side.
The challenge for me was that I could SO clearly see his creative POWER, juice, MOJO, and gifts - hiding behind his shadow. He’s so afraid to let his shadow-self see the light of day. For fear of what might come out. For fear of not being accepted. For fear he might not ever be able to go back to that “comfort zone” again. (Done that).
Have you experienced this? It seems like the more we tune-in with our passionate and purposeful path, often the more discombobulated we feel (Andrea Lee calls it dis-com-boob-alated). With quantum leaps can come a sense of spiritual madness.
In her book Spiritual Madness the Necessity of Meeting God in Darkness, Caroline Myss shares her thoughts on the mystical journey. I originally read this many moons ago, before I really “got it”…and have since re-ordered it on CD. There are also several other resources online that discuss and share info about this spiritual crisis & dark night of the soul experiences.
I went through a period like this a couple of years ago. Honestly it felt like I was losing my mind. I remember looking in my closet each morning and feeling like, “Who do these clothes belong to? I can’t wear this stuff!” But had no idea what I did want to wear.
Nothing seemed to fit. My friends. My family. My clothes. My job. My relationship. My hair color. I felt all shook up. And like I didn’t have anyone to talk me through it. At times I would just well up with emotion and cry for no reason. It felt like such an emotional purging. A roller coaster ride of ecstatic highs and heavy waves that would pull me back under. It didn’t feel like a depression as much as it felt like an out of body experience. As if I was floating above myself looking down and watching myself as an actor on a stage. Very Matrix, behind the veil kinda thing.
What helped me was reading Debbie Ford’s book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers. Even the title reflects what I was feeling. I SO wanted to just keep focusing on the “light” side of my personality and spiritual growth. But it got to the point where I couldn’t ignore my dark side.
Could no longer ignore my bitch side. My ugly side. My snappy side. My judgmental side. My manipulative side. My WTF is wrong with YOU side. My potty mouth side. My not-so-neighborly side. My I-don’t-have-the-time-to-listen-to-your-drama-I-got-enough-of-my-own-right-now side. My lazy side. My over-emotional side. My fitness sucks side. My drunken side. My maybe I should go sell towels on the beach and forget about saving the world side. You get the picture.
And you know what saved me? Writing it ALL down and really looking at it. Then owning ALL the dirty details. I took one evening and wrote them all out. Then I tried them ALL on like a new wardrobe. I put each so-called “bad/ugly/not-so-pretty/socially unacceptable” quality on like a fancy new jacket.
I wrapped myself up in all my dark/moody/broody/selfish & sour stuff. And you know what I discovered? I NEEDED those qualities. Uh-huh. I know many of you out there have been through similar experiences and have been doing your “work” for many years. You get what I’m talking about.
But I share this for those readers that are just embarking on their spiritual journey and may not yet have experienced this, or are just beginning to feel the prickly side of personal development. The part of the process that sneaks up you and sucker punches you in the stomach while you’re too busy searching in every book, workshop, 6-CD set, online e-course, church or yoga studio for enlightenment.
Cause shining our light is a beautiful thing. But often times we’re first plunged into darkness and some people don’t know how to emerge out of that long and dark corridor. Movies and music always strike such a chord in me. This part of the process - the first denying of and then the liberation of our shadow side - reminds me of the movie Fight Club.
That’s how I described this to my client too. I asked him if he’d seen the movie (of course he had) and said he reminded me of Ed Norton’s character in that wacky scene where he’s kicking his own ass up and down his bosses office. We’ve all done that to ourselves. Some people whoop their own ass daily. Now why would we wanna go and do a thing like that?
That’s where choice comes into play. We can choose to look at our whole selves. Pull all of our dirty laundry out of the closet, take an honest look at it and assess the situation. If we can pull the labels off and stop placing such importance on THIS is BAD or THAT is GOOD…and accept that it just IS. It’s not always pretty. It doesn’t always smell good. But it’s our stuff. ALL of it.
If we ease up on the judgment of ourselves and start practicing Radical Self Acceptance, we’re on our way to experiencing true freedom. So often we say we don’t care what other people think of us, but we forget that we often hold ourselves hostage. Keep ourselves prisoner. Locked up. Pent up. Fed up. We’re the judge and the jury. And convict ourselves with a life sentence.
Unlock those prison gates. Kick the self-imposed warden in the balls and bust your ass outta there. You’ve got gifts that need to see the light of day and it’s only through owning your inner bad-ass that can really help elevate you.
Don’t be afraid. It’s not the boogey man. No Halloween prankster. It’s just the other side of you. Your inner Tyler Durden. In your face. Not backing down. Tapping you on the shoulder and pushing you beyond your comfort zone. A constant reminder that you can run but you can’t hide. Everywhere you go, there you are. In all of your magnificently flawed - elegantly wasted glory.
In the words of Fight Club author Chuck Palahniuk, “I just don’t want to die without a few scars.”
Play on passionate people- play on!
The Kaminator